Lists of international relationships in my life

Mom (USA) and Dad (Chile)

Aunt Cindy (USA) and Uncle Oscar (Chile)

Aunt Ximena (Chile) and Uncle David (USA)

Cousin Rene (Chile) and wife Claudia (Germany)

Cousin Francisca (Chile) and husband Mark (New Zealand)

Cousin Marite (Chile) and boyfriend Florent (France)

Friend Flor (Chile) and husband Andrew (USA)

Friend Jaime (USA) and husband Jeko (Bulgaria)

Friend Gonzalo (Chile) and Wife (Russia)

Friend Yarela (Chile) and husband Stephen (USA)

Friends Jaime (Chile) and Ellen (USA)

Friend Kelly (USA) and husband Selim (Turkey)

Friend Ariana (Chile) and husband Jaime (USA)

Friend Amparo (Venezuela) and husband Steve (USA)


More and more I'm seeing this as par for the course in my life  and not such a big deal.  Honestly, I'm now surprised I ever felt so in the first place.

The Good Type of Challenges

I have a ton of good challenges in my life these days.  I feel blessed, lucky and a wave of different emotions at different times.  I'm just trying to steer the ship and let the wind do the work.

Shadow poem on a day of much open light

Today is a good day.  A Saturday that has never happened before and will never happen again.  In this productive and open-hearted space I found a poem from a darker day.  How grounded and articulate, how solid and seeing I was in my pain.  I love looking back at harder times and seeing how clearly I was taking patient care of myself.

Poem from a Shadow Day-June 17th 2011

My darkness, it enlivens me
My shadows help me see more clearly
as a sky with no moon brings the stars to light

My fear electrifies me
My pain jolts the unfinished in me
pointing out when the ego controls my life's flight

It is not a life of sunshine
that one should hope to seek
but the precious dark without a spark that forces shadows' speak

I take the time to know what's mine
without the blaming of my brother
with no distraction from reaction, who are we to one another?

I am my breath

I am not my thoughts.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  I find myself swimming in them, slaying imaginary problems and resisting my own blissful optimism.

So many things happen in life: wins, losses, draws.  The idea that anything is guaranteed, promised, unchangeable can become a painful illusion in the face of life's uncertainties.  But that doesn't make me want any less and I cannot stop this energy of mine.  I still want to dig my hands deep into life's sacks of grain even if there are holes and the sack is slowly draining.  I will still pleasantly recall the 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks of cool and surrounding sensations.  I will smile and then walk on.

So as I listen to my heartbeat on sleepless nights, I agree to be my breath instead of my thoughts.  I fill my lungs slowly, deeply all the way down to my appendectomy scars.  I part my lips to release the air with ease and grace, counting down past the shhhhing sound to the silence of its last bits.  And I am still.  I am still here.

Then I might clean, write or play guitar until 4 am.  Promising my breath that, even if I forget it, I will always return home.  My thoughts, for all their wit and critique, lack the comfort and constancy of my breath.  And I need comfort and constancy in the face of a life that can occasionally be neither. 

The education of love

There will come a time when I will hold you
A time when our hands and smiles will burn as bright as our hearts
There will come a time when you will hold me
and our thoughts will stop, an end to right and wrong

Before then there are times of excitement, confusion, frustration and joy
Only two out of five senses satisfied, the rest rage in pent-up discontent
Before then there are lessons to be learned left over from the last time we loved,
lessons we've carried with us and now must face or risk repeating

I want you to know how deeply I feel for you
I want you to feel joy
I want you to know that all good feelings come from inside you

I want you to know this
as I carry you with me day to day
unknowing but not unfeeling