Fall

Happy Birthday to me! The world is getting better!

A great article about a company that is environmentally conscious, worker appreciative and prosperous.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kimberly-freeman-brown/you-say-tomato-i-say-awes_b_755550.html

Our happiness levels can be raised! Genes be damned!

http://news.discovery.com/human/happiness-genes-childhood.html#mkcpgn=rssnws1

How we are actually living in one of the most compassionate times in human history. Go us!

http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main389.shtml

It's been a great half Karinika so far. Looking forward to the next half and all of the Karinika gifts I get to give away!

These lackluster slow times

I've been spoiled by many things in this lifetime: international adventures, a manic sense of spontaneity/serendipity and incredibly supportive parents to name a few. These gifts have given me many things to talk about and many ways with which to define how "special" and "unique" I am. These last few months since finishing my undergrad have been so unsexy and so day-to-day that I think I've been depressed. Very accustomed to the constant demands of school and research once I reached the promised land of graduation and free time I, like many others, didn't know what to do with what I'd wanted once I'd gotten it.

Add to that the irritation I feel at not being "unique" all the time plus no flashy future plans and I cooked up a nice pot of anxiety steeped days. Now as time inches closer and closer to the one scheduled activity I have in the next 365 days (a round trip ticket to Chile for 2.5 months), I have to make the decisions I've been dreading. As I tend to fluctuate between rapid fire decisions and months of dragging my feet, I notice that they are both two sides of the same coin: an intense fear of the decision making process. Aaahhh effin' Libra. :)

Still I'm getting used to the slow pace of working part time, doing yoga, doing early morning boot camps, watching hulu, and trying to get on my bike with these last few nice days of Vermont fall. My ego still rages like hell that I'm not off creating some epic movie-style adventure (or at least acting like it at all times) but I'm tired of trying to act like I'm the shit all the time. It's exhausting...now I understand how it must have been like to be around me during my late teens and early twenties. Whew!

Boy, do I love getting older.

I got a little distracred...

Wow! Being in romantic relationships just throws me for a loop. I am so strong and focused on my own but up comes another ball of energy and flesh...all my cockpit instruments go haywire. Being about two weeks out of it, I can now look back and see how desires meshed, how foggy it became as I faced continual observation by a beloved human being.

At the beginning, it reminded me of long car rides with best friends where everything is so synchronistically magical and the time flies by. At the end, I felt like we were both from different countries with limited use of the others' native tongue, both trying desperately to find a restroom.

If anything, it was a great experience and I'm taking a lot from it. The look in our eyes as we are dressed to the nines, red and black, was worth it all.

Love is every where I see it. JD

Thanks, Tara!

Tara reminded me that I have a blog and that I should keep doing it. Thanks, Tara! I love you and miss you! I'm with you in Germany and you can be as well by checking out www.goingslowly.com. World cycle touring at it's finest.

So things are going really well. I moved in with two good friends from school, have a view of Mt. Mansfield and get to watch the sunset in my home. I love my room. It's cozy filled with pics of friends and inspirational saying. And hot pepper lights. :)

I'm enjoying my man quite a lot. He's affectionate, consistent, funny, a hard worker, and likes taking care of me. What a good guy. I'm very grateful for this experience, the first respectfully mature romantic relationship I've ever had. I'm not used to sharing so much of my life with someone but I'm not half bad at it. Time will tell.

My occasional gripping panics come from the world of job hunting. It's hard not to take it personally as applying for jobs is so similar to dating. You're interested, they're not so interested. They're interested, you're not so interested. They say they're interested but if they were REALLY interested they'd call you back. Ah, well. I'm working triple time to keep the fears of unknown situations at bay and up my happiness. Counting my blessings, the small successes of each day and cuddling. A LOT. :)

Giggle

I met a kind, considerate and hilarious man. He is making space for me and I for him. I'm having a bit of a tricky time with all my familiar rampant fears. So, today I breath and give thanks and space and let time make us what we will be.

PS He's adorable.

Done and done.

I've been working on my research regarding the Alexander Technique and its psychological and physiological effects on aerobic exercise performance in healthy humans (If you don't have over 7 words in your title, it's not scientific enough) for about a year and a half. Today I made my last presentation about it and I am done. Done. Done. Done. Thrilled to be done.

This experience goes in my halls of fame. I get a gold medal in the Being a Responsible Adult Olympics for this one. As cool as it was to do, this specific scientific community and I do not gel nor feed each other academically.

There were times were it took ever sense of responsibility and every bit of my core essence not to quit. And I didn't. I'm pretty sure it was worth it, even with developing mono a few months ago, but only time will tell.

Happy Karina.

Time flies.

And it has. Suffice to say, since I last blogged I have since seen my first roller derby (I am SO going to be in one soon), acquired my first Serbian facebook pen pal, and have almost finished my research of which I've spent the last year and a half on. It's been a nice time of death and rebirth. How about you?

Naps

What can I say?

There should be more.

Still sick but spring is here any way.

In the words of my friend Ben, "Keep looking for beauty".

M83 "Teen Angst" from Matthew Frost on Vimeo.

The walk to school

Whether or not anyone finds me attractive,...

I'm still happy.

It's a sunny 50 degree day during stick season in VT.

I've got a book report on Bipolar depression due tomorrow.

I'm singing in a talent show tonight.

I ate two amazing chocolate chip cookies yesterday.

I have a bunch of nomenclature questions due in organic chem tomorrow.

I ran into Ivy at Shaws.

I'm going to hear latin jazz on Thurs with my roommate.

I'm going dancing with Fran on Sat night.

I have my dreaded Psycho of Stress class on Sun.

I'm wearing tight pants.

It's quiet.

I've been having consistently vivid dreams each night.

I ate a pommelo yesterday.

watching men do pull ups at the gym inspires me to run longer.

this moment and this inner devotion give me all I could ever need.

I'm still happy... :)

Paranoia

Ever since I was little I've experienced a lot of fear, mostly fear of all the horrible things that could go wrong but never do. It's like life is an episode of Dateline or 20/20 behind every unknown.

I used to feel more prepared because of these worries, as if they were intuitive insights. But they never have been. All they've done is create lots of anxiety and paralyzation. And of course many, many awkward moments.

I'm playing with these thoughts, not giving them control and just sitting through the discomfort of the unknown. I'm hoping the unknown is more interesting than the repetitively false dangers in my brain.

So far, so good.

I'm back! Pics Part 2-My favorite walkway

I'm back! Pics Part 1

Relapse

Apologies about the lack of posts!

I am currently nursing two heartaches. I've gotten ill again and just can't seem to kick it. I've been struggling with it for a while.

Also Chile was hit by a terrible earthquake early Saturday morning. Approx 800 dead with 500,000 displaces and so much damage. It makes my heart hurt.

If you can please donate to the relief effort. Even 10 bucks would be appreciated!

SNOW!!!!

Over the course of the day we received over two feet of snow today. It was a constant downfall and quite the winter wonderland. I had assumed winter days like these to be typical before I moved to VT. This has not been the case and this winter has been exceptionally warm; mid thirties for most of February.

So with a giggle I walked out to dig my car out of the snow. I had no plans to go anywhere because my snow tires are VERY BALD and in no condition for hazardous driving. It's like a boat with no momentum sometimes. So I avoid it as much as I can and living so close to campus it's very easy.

I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled. Once clear, I started the car only to find that I had two factors against me, aside from the snow: I had parked nose in and on a slight decline towards said nose. Even with the snow gone, I had to try many different front/back maneuvers to get enough grip to move. THEN I got stuck in the middle of the parking lot and had to dig myself out all over again.

By the time I'd set my self up with the nose forward and on no such incline, I understood how some folks learn to dread the snow and all of the hassles it puts you through.

Still, it was darn pretty.

Tues Feb 23rd-Time Management

I get a fair amount of work done for being such a procrastinator at times. There are days where it takes every inch of my parent self to motivate my kid self into getting done what needs to get done. Sometimes it helps to just focus on what's in front of me right now, reassuring myself that that is all I have to do.

When I let myself get run down by life's big picture I can barely function, bogged down by unrealistic views of the world and my place/effectiveness in it.

Today I did a great job of getting things done while also enjoying this winter break. Usually I spent my breaks (read unstructured time) eating many pints of ice cream and watching dvds. A day or two of this is divine but an entire week is horrible.

So Sun and Mon were spent in "cave day" mode eating ice cream and watch season three of The Office. Today was a "do or die" situation that would steer the rest of the week depending on what I did.

Although the morning was slow around noon I got going. Total, I got 5 hours of lab work done, went to the gym to run, did a few errands AND watched Buffy the Vampire slayer dvds. I even made a little pizza for dinner, giggling constantly at my success and at how happy I was with such a simple lifestyle: work, food, entertainment, and myself.

Rock on.

Montpelier, VT on a cloudy afternoon

Sun-Feb 21st

Some pictures from the Exercise Physiology lab where I work. Wonder Woman is an integral part in studying a human body's exercise response. :)

Sat Feb 20th-80s Retro Dance Party

Went out to the Retronome 80s dance party. Didn't have high hopes as Vermont dancing hasn't been the greatest. But, man, it rocked! It was like being in Jr High all over again but without the awkwardness and sombrero earrings. Every song blended so well into the next and before I knew it was two and a half hours later. I was exhausted. I haven't danced like that since I was nineteen.

Dancing is my religion.

Making new neural connections

Frequently I make myself do new things. I call it "An Adventure A Month". The rules are I have to do/try/visit/meet someone or something that I've never done/tried/visited/met before. I do this not only because it makes for good stories and gets me out of my comfort zone but also because I truly believe it keeps my brain healthy. Too much of the same thing leads to the same neural pathways leading to less cognitive options. I say the more connections the better.

My most recent adventure has been learning how to cross country ski or, more appropriately how to nordic/classic ski. I was determined to not have lived in Vermont for 3 years and never been on skis so I signed up for a class taught by my college.

The instructor was a very enthusiastic and funny adventurer named Kelly who spoke with such a West Coast/California inflection that I half expected him to take us surfing instead.

At first, I had a difficult time getting the hang of it with all the stuffy clothes and 0 degree winter winds. Still at the end of each class I was always glad that my excitement conquered and soothed my anxious panic. Even the class where I fell on my tailbone, terribly bruised both of my knees and made absolutely mad attempts to ski down ungroomed trails was invigorating. It reminded me of my well loved skateboarding years where I was too ignorant to truly be aware of its inherent dangers.

Today was our last class and we visited a internationally renowned outdoor center in Craftsbury, VT. Olympic participants visit this center for their biathalons and marathons. It was a beautiful 34 degree day with sun and a mild winter wind. We skied all around this lovely frozen lake, as well as up and down WELL groomed trails. The downhills were the best! Today I finally got the hang of cross country skiing and enjoyed its intricate details while happily trailing behind the others in my class.

Successful adventure of the month? Check. Taking advantage of my current geographical location and its wonders? Check. Going to sleep at 9 pm? Che....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I took these pictures at 5:15pm...The sun returneth!!

Feb 17th-What?

In the middle of my Organic Chemistry class a very funny thing happened.

A merry band of EIGHT students came in, one brandishing a guitar and they asked tentatively for "Karina". I raised my hand as if in a sleepy dream half expecting there to be another Karina in the room that they came for. But no, they were for me.

Swiftly they charged into a raging rendition of the 80s pop group Starship's "Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now" from the film Mannequin. It took me about 20 seconds to absorb what was happening in this Hollywood movie moment but soon I was singing right along with them.

"And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us, nothing's going to stop us NOW!"

Then in my daze they handed me a flower and wished me a happy Valentine's Day. I turned around to face the rest of my blank faced class and heard one normally quiet guy exclaim, "That was the coolest ever!".

When my professor finally said something it was to ask if I'd like to put my flower in a graduated cylinder. I said yes. He's the coolest ever.

PS And cutie Shaun White nailed the olympic snowboarding half pipe competition pulling out a 1280 Mc Twist just for fun on his "victory lap". Nothing's going to stop us, indeed.

SUN!!!!!!

Heavy

My abnormal psychology class brings up a lot, mostly feelings related to old traumatic experiences. The resilience of a human mind dealing with trauma is staggering.

This experience is good if not a little exhausting. When I'm not feeling my feelings, I'm self diagnosing myself on the disorder of the day, or feeling incredible empathy for those who suffer with such.

Sigh.

I don't think I'll ever fully understand why life isn't fair, why injustice and violence exist.

(Who's a Libra, eh?) ;)